the Henny Flynn podcast

Navigating Grief and Rekindling Creativity: A Journey of Healing (S14E7)

• Henny Flynn • Season 14 • Episode 7

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How do we navigate the stormy seas of grief while keeping our creative spark alive?

In this deeply personal episode, I open up about the emotional toll of grief and how it's impacted my ability to produce consistent podcast episodes this season. You'll hear about a fully recorded session that I ended up deleting, and how, with Anton's wise guidance, I've seen that speaking about how creativity can diminish in grief, is part of rekindling creativity.

From personal experiences like the loss of loved ones or navigating significant changes, we explore how activities like journaling can provide emotional relief and support. We discuss the concept of "transitional work," emphasising the importance of letting go of expectations and allowing our creativity to serve as a healing process.

Drawing wisdom from a grieving artist and a poignant Chinese proverb, we highlight the necessity of self-compassion and the role of various creative outlets—whether it's painting, music, or gardening—in holding sorrow so it doesn't overwhelm us.

Finally, I touch on the joy and inner wisdom that can be found in Flow Journaling, and an invitation to explore my book, "In the Flow" - and see how it can enhance your journaling practice and connection to your inner self.

BOOK: In the Flow - journal your creative wisdom

https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/bookshop

RESOURCES

https://www.insightcreativecoaching.com/blog-1/2023/11/10/art-and-grief#:~:text=Experiencing%20a%20significant%20loss%20or,for%20a%20period%20of%20time.

https://www.headspace.com/articles/grief-creativity-together

POEM

Memory is a strange bird doling out the world in 

shards—
 the stuff we are made of. 

I am the keeper, now, I hold them all. 

Tonight as I write I become conjurer— 

When I open my hands: A thousand sparrows 

Jessica Moore, Everything, Now. 

***

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Henny:

A couple of days ago, I told Anton I've got absolutely nothing for the podcast, and I talked about how I've been finding it hard to harness the creativity that's needed, of course, to show up here, to be in this space, to be in uh creative communion with others, and that may well have uh shown up in some of the episodes that I've published in this season. Um, it's been a little sporadic. I've've published episodes that have been a little different, rather than these discursive, exploratory episodes. They've been shorter, much easier to create, and there have even been gaps, which is something that hasn't happened before, and I even recorded a whole episode and ended up deleting the entire thing, which also is something I've never done before. I've recorded episodes and then found that the sound wasn't on. That's happened, but I've never recorded one and then deleted it. And so Anton, wise being that he is, said, talk about that, then. So here I am, talking about having nothing to say. Welcome to the Henny Flynn podcast, the space for deepening self-awareness with profound self-compassion. I'm Henny, I write, coach and speak about how exploring our inner world can transform how we experience our outer world, all founded on a bedrock of self-love. Settle in and listen and see where the episode takes you episode takes you.

Henny:

So if you are part of the mailing list, then you may have seen that last week I shared, or re-shared, an old episode from the podcast, which is about grief and specifically grief recovery, which I find is a really curious phrase. I'm not sure it's something we ever really recover from. I'm really curious about the word covering and recovering, like is that? Is that really what we're doing when we're, um, moving forward within grief? Um, yeah, I mean that's I suppose it can become semantics, but, um, my sense is more that we accommodate grief within us, we make space for it, just as we held space for the love that was the precursor to the grief, and grief, of course, affects all of us in very different ways. So, um, if you're not familiar with, um, some of the messages that I've been sharing over the past few weeks, then, um, you may not have seen that we, as in our friendship group, are experiencing a really profound loss now and, um, and it's affected so many people that I love so deeply, including myself, and and I'm really curious about it. I'm curious about it in a deeply personal way and I'm curious about it in a professional way as well, and I've really explored internally. You know, is this something that I want to talk about? Is it okay for me to talk about it?

Henny:

But I feel that it is because this is so universal, and this perspective that I would love to explore today is this perspective of how grief affects us in terms of our creativity and that creative energy that we have, and it I feel strongly that creativity is something that is a fundamental human need. Now, we might not necessarily see ourselves as creative beings and, in fact, until uh, two or three years ago when oh, maybe a little bit longer than that, but where a good friend laughed when I said I wasn't sure if I was creative, and she said oh, my god, annie, um, you're incredibly creative. You just don't see yourself as someone who can draw. Um, I, I really have this very strong sense that we are all creative beings and and even just um, you know, when we cook a meal, when we uh choose what clothes to wear, when we put a plant in a pot or in our garden, you know these are all acts of creativity. And when we sow seeds, when we have conversations that are really nourishing, when we speak to young people, these are all deeply creative acts because we are influencing and informing something that comes next um. So I think creativity is a a human given, which is a psychological, uh sort of evaluation of you know, things that we all require in our lives to some degree or other, and obviously, for some people, creativity is, is absolutely their lifeblood, and if they don't have access to it, it's incredibly difficult and frightening for them, whereas for others of us we might not.

Henny:

Like I said before ourselves, then maybe we can see that actually creativity is also something that is important to us and when we're denied it it can feel very, very difficult indeed. So I usually have vast reserves of creative energy and, you know, I see it as a huge blessing and it can also be a bit of a challenge at times as well. I have to maintain a very compassionate discipline around. You know, not kind of beginning a project and then moving on because something else has taken my attention. You know the shiny thing syndrome. But there are times when that reserve of creative energy feels depleted and this is one of those times. So I've been honoring it.

Henny:

You know, as I said in the intro, I've been honouring it. You know, as I said in the intro, I've been approaching the podcast in a different way. There are no rules. You know, if we've been hanging out together for a little while, you'll know that that's something that I've created. So there's no one standing over me saying I have to do a podcast episode every week, but we can build a story or a rule inside ourselves that says I should be doing it or I must, I ought to be doing it.

Henny:

So I've been honoring that, um, I've I've been saying no to things, um, and I've been saying yes to other things, and I've been showing up in my rawness when I've said yes. Um, and, and alongside that, I've also been really paying very mindful attention to how I've shown up for my clients as well. And I mean, this is almost a whole other episode actually, because there's been a very particular quality to those client sessions that I've had really beautiful quality to it, not that there isn't always a beautiful quality, but I've just noticed, almost like a sort of a new enzyme in the system, and you know, I've absolutely loved those conversations and, and you know, doing this therapeutic coaching work. It is a process of creativity because I never know where a conversation is going to go. You know it's not up to me, um, what is most important for that client. So it is a deep act of creativity and you know, and, and inner connection and willingness to follow the scent, you know, and, and inner connection and willingness to follow the scent, you know, to follow the trail and and see where it leads. And we've had some amazing moments of insight and awareness over the last few weeks and I really cherish that. So it really doesn't feel as though anything has been diminished, and I think this is this is very interesting because, um, my sense is that we are able to pay attention to what really needs our attention, um, and maybe we are able to practice discernment around what really doesn't need our attention right now.

Henny:

I'm also really mindful that, you know, as for so many of us, work can be a very useful distraction when we're experiencing a time of grief and, and as I say all of this, I'm also extremely mindful of the range of grief that we can feel, um, when it's, uh, the loss of someone who who is extremely close to us, you know, a partner, a child, a parent. That holds each one of those holds its own quality, when it's a friend, a colleague, someone that we don't know well but we really liked. You know, know, each of those holds its own quality and obviously, of course, grief isn't just about the death of somebody. Grief is also about change. It's about moving home, it's about changing jobs, it's retiring, it's about different life stages. So, you know, my sense is that all of these griefs can all affect our sense of creativity. So I've been honouring this need for less and, as I said, anton, in his very wise, wise way, suggested that maybe I come here and and talk about this.

Henny:

And I've also been doing some research around the loss of creativity through grief. And it's fascinating how much research there is out there, not only on the impact of grief on creativity but also on the importance or the value of creativity in supporting us as we navigate grief. So one of the bits of research that I came across showed that experiencing sadness, which is essentially what grief is experiencing sadness results in a deactivation of the left prefrontal areas of the brain relative to the right side, and while the left side of our brain specializes in positive emotions, like joy and hope, the right hemisphere specializes in emotions like anxiety. So, unsurprisingly, the right side of the brain seems to be more active during periods of grief. Right side of the brain seems to be more active during periods of grief, but something that's shown up in the bit of research that I was reading.

Henny:

I don't know if you can hear Ronnie scratching in the background, I'm so sorry, I have tried to stop him, but the main problem during grieving seems to be the relative deactivation of the left hemisphere rather than the over activation of the right hemisphere, if that makes sense. So it's more about the left side getting suppressed rather than the right side getting activated. So, even if creativity can help to heal, when we're navigating grief, we don't always feel like tapping into our creative sides following a loss or a trauma. So I think this is really interesting. It completely plays out what I've experienced, and I'd be so curious to hear from you whether you've also noticed this. So it's not so much that you're feeling even more anxious or some of those sort of emotions that we might label not so positive or might label negative, negative, um, but it's more a kind of suppression of the um, the feelings of joy and energy, that creative energy I was talking about, um and, and so therefore the energy that we have to become creative again just doesn't seem to be available for us.

Henny:

I've definitely, definitely experienced that over the last few weeks and it's and I'm really interested at interest, actually, as I look back over other griefs that I've experienced big changes loss of my mother. We had a, a miscarriage a few years ago, um, many several years ago. You know, and I'm very aware as I look back at those times, that I experienced the same thing, but I I didn't have the self-awareness that I've got now to, to really pay attention, um, and I'd be curious to know has that been something that you've noticed yourself? Whether or not you consider yourself to be doing a job that is centered in creativity? However, alongside this, research also shows that the mere expression of emotion in artistic form when you are hurting is beneficial. So isn't that fascinating? The thing that we don't want to do could potentially be the thing that could help us navigate, the thing that's stopping us? Um, I think I mean this.

Henny:

This is sort of reminding me of another, of a quote which I just can't quite get my fingers on. If, if that um sparks something for you, will you let me know, because I feel like there's a famous quote about that somewhere. Um, and I I think for me it's one of the reasons why journaling has been and continues to be such an important practice for me, and it's the reason why I wrote In the Flow Journal your Inner Wisdom, because you know, when we are experiencing times of loss or pain or change or sadness, or change or sadness, being able to express ourselves creatively, and in psychological and research terms, it's often called expressive writing. It enables us to release emotions, thoughts, feelings that we might otherwise suppress or bottle up in some way, and so the act of putting pen to paper becomes an act of creativity and, as the research shows, that can actually really support us when we're in a painful place. So isn't that beautiful, um?

Henny:

And there's there's another article which I'm going to share in the show notes, which I found to be a really interesting piece, and it's from someone who coaches people who are artists in their creative work, and she had experienced her own grief the loss of her father after two and a half years of managing coping with cancer, and so she she was really noticing the impact of grief on her own creative work, and one of the things that she talks about is allowing transitional work. So if we think about journaling, um, it may be that if you're experiencing a time of loss yourself. Right now, you put pen to paper and the the words don't seem to flow, they don't seem to really make sense. Maybe they're repetitious, you know. Maybe it just doesn't feel quite comfortable for you.

Henny:

But she calls this transitional work and I really love this concept. I love the compassion that is in what she talks about, because she's saying let go of the expectations and the outcomes of your transitional work. So if you're an artist, if you put, you know, paintbrush to canvas or or ink to, uh, you know, to parchment, then um, allow that those first few pieces to be transitional. If you're a musician, just make noise. If you're not a musician, get a drum and just make noise. Don't worry about what it is that is being created. Just allow the act of creativity itself to be your transitional work and let it be in service of this transitional time. I mean, isn't that so gorgeous, this idea that we create in service of the experience of transition from what was into what will be? And she says only ask what do I feel and need from this work? Then surrender to what wants to come through you and do not judge it. Meet it with openness and acceptance.

Henny:

And she goes on to say find a way to remind yourself daily to treat yourself with kindness and compassion. You can see why her writing really resonated with me. I mean, I read what she wrote and I just thought I really want to meet this woman. She sounds so gorgeous and she says this will help preserve your self-identity and self-worth. I think this is a really important point, actually, particularly if some aspect of your identity is tied up with creativity, with creation which mine almost certainly is, even if I don't necessarily want to admit that it almost certainly is and so it will help preserve that sense of self-worth, that sense of identity, and while this is always essential for the support and nurturance of your creative process, it is never more important than it is at this time.

Henny:

This act of kindness and compassion toward ourselves, in whatever creative endeavor is, you know we enjoy, whether that is gardening, painting, music making, writing, moving. You know creating beautiful makeup. You know whatever the thing is for you. You know styling people's hair. You know like, whatever it is that you do that is creative, uh, building, um. You know models. You know just really really hold yourself with compassion and give yourself the opportunity to be creative.

Henny:

Um, and there's a sort of couple more points that I'd love to to share here. One is, um, I came across a chinese proverb that says you cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying overhead, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair. I'm going to say that again, as someone with long and quite often unbrushed hair, this idea of birds building nests in my hair kind of resonates with me. But the proverb says you cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying overhead, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair. But how do we do that? How do we prevent the birds of sorrow from building nests in our hair?

Henny:

And maybe, maybe, part of this process is allowing ourselves this, this gateway, this doorway, this access into some form of creativity. And you know, I've sort of I've tried to give kind of indicators. You know, throughout this, this episode, of what that creativity could look like, and some more of just kind of come flooding in. You know, whether that's embroidery, or crochet, or knitting, or weaving or or whittling, or planting, you know, whatever your access route is, you know, only you will know what's something that you really love to do, that in the past you found solace in, or enjoyment, joy, and allowing that door to that place of creativity to open, even if it's just a little, and just spending some time in that space can be such a powerful and important part of this healing process. And it's just reminded me, actually, of a one of the poems from my darling girl, which is it's okay having nothing to say.

Henny:

I might, I might hook it out at the end and share that with you as well, but before I do that, I also came across another piece which really resonates with this, well, with this idea of the birds of sorrow, actually, but also this idea of creativity as a tool, as a um, a vehicle to support us as we move through grief, and it's a poem by a writer called Jessica Moore, from a collection called Everything Now. And the poem is this and again, I'm going to put this poem into the notes so that you can spend a little time with it, because I think it's it's really worth it. And so the words go memory is a strange bird doling out the world in shards, the stuff we are made of. I am the keeper. Now I hold them all. Tonight, as I write, I become conjurer when I open my hands a thousand sparrows. God. Isn't that so beautiful? It's so beautiful. I just want to read it again and again. This idea of you know, memory are strange birds, but when we write, when we create, we release a thousand sparrows, isn't that? So, oh gosh, there's something so evocative about that.

Henny:

And, and there's another artist I'd love to um just mention here too. Um, that came up for me when I was thinking about this. I mean, isn't it ironic? I started this, uh, this episode, saying I've got nothing to say, and, um, I've managed to say quite a lot, and so I'm living evidence of my own message, really, that by tapping into this left side of my brain, the left hemisphere of my brain, opening the doorway into my own creativity, I've been able to step inside and be in it in a way that really feels wonderful to me and, hopefully, is enjoyable, useful for you in some way. Um, so there is an amazing ceramicist or potter, whatever you phrase you like um, a guy called paul smith, and I really recommend finding him on Instagram. If you're on there, I think he's just at. Paul Smith is his, uh, his uh, profile.

Henny:

Um struck me, and it was a piece that I labeled Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf. I'm not sure that's quite how he called it, but for me that was what it represented. And the wolf and little red riding hood are having the most beautiful hug, and it just felt like it was so subversive. It was just turning this whole story of uh, you know the little girl being so frightened. You know this idea of like, how we um relate to our fears. In the story, the girl is literally consumed by the fear. In Paul's reinterpretation, they meet as equals and hug, and it's so beautiful.

Henny:

And many years later, I came across a photograph that I'd taken of this piece and I realized that it was such an incredible representation of my own internal experience that I'd navigated my way to by that point, which was that the black dog that I sense is inside me, representative of anger, a part that I was always quite scared of, was actually a part of me that was really just trying to look out for me and I didn't need to be frightened of him. And so, as I was like having all of these thoughts, I came across, you know, popped up on my phone, one of those memory pictures and I happened to share. Oh, you know, this picture really reminds me. It's reminiscent of this piece of work I've been doing internally and a whole load of people wrote back to me and said, oh, it's Paul Smith, he's an amazing ceramicist. Someone else else said he's a friend of ours. Someone else said I've got a piece of his work. And it was like, oh, hang on a minute, this, this guy. I need to connect with this guy.

Henny:

And I ended up commissioning a special version of the black dog and the girl hugging and I have it on the mantelpiece in our house and I absolutely love it. Every time I look at it it fills me with so much joy. The love that he has imbued these two figures as they hug each other. I mean that love is absolutely astonishing. The expressions on their face is so beautiful. And then so the reason for giving you that long preamble, that story, the reason for sharing this is recently I saw he shared another version of the wolf and the girl, and this time they are dancing.

Henny:

And I am now turning my head to look at this piece because it is sitting on my desk in my stable where I work, and for me it is so representative of what was the girl and the black dog hugging. And now the dog has grown up into a wolf and the girl has grown into a woman and they are dancing a tango together and, oh, it's the most joyful thing and it feels so resonant here as we not turning our back on it, but the movement through it and remaining connected with the emotion, the beautiful emotions that also sit inside it, because without love we cannot have grief and how we can have a visual representation from the two, or from two of the aspects of it one, this closeness, this hugging, this care, caring, and the other, this strength and movement and joy of the dancing woman and wolf. So I'd like to say, I'd like to say farewell. Now I think I am going to read this poem from my Darling Girl. That also feels resonant, um, but I'll say goodbye.

Henny:

Before I do that and and also, I think, for my own well-being, I think this is the last episode of this season. Um, I'm about to head into my August break where I I don't work, um, I don't see clients, I don't do, uh, speaking events, I don't teach flow, journaling, I come off social media, um, I don't send emails, um, although you will still get everyday compassion, because that's that just runs in its own beautiful way. Um, and, and it feels right for me to to say, this season has been, you know, a slightly disrupted season, and that is okay, because that's also such an important part of this. All isn't it, that there are no rules. This is, this is my creative space, and what feels okay for me is okay, and I trust that you also feel that too, and that's why you're here. So, yeah, this is the end of this season and I will see you again in September with season 15. Cor blimey, governor, governor, how did we get here? Anyway? I'll see you for season 15 and I also. I just want to say as well if what I was saying about journaling um resonates with.

Henny:

I have seen, with people who have been using the new book in the flow, so much like joy coming through and inner wisdom and inner connection and sensitivity to to themselves, to what's going on in their inner landscape, and also just just really enjoying writing um. I've seen so many people getting so much pleasure from the book that I really do recommend it to you. I know I wrote it and it's a bit weird, isn't it when, uh, like recommending our own thing, but I wouldn't have written it if I didn't think it was going to be useful. And you can buy it on Amazon, if that's where you get your books, or you can get it from world of books, or you can get it from bookshoporg, which is my favorite place, because they always givea percentage of their profits to independent bookshops, which I think is brilliant. And you can also get it direct from my gorgeous, amazing publisher in a work project, so I'll put a link to it in the show notes as well. You know, as a tool to explore through the summer, I think it's a pretty good one, to be honest, wonderful thing to take on holiday with you, but also just a wonderful thing to have by your bed and maybe use to help you build or return to or further develop your own journaling practice. So, all right, my darlingslings, I send you a hug and a wave.

Henny:

My darling girl, it's okay having nothing to say. I see you struggling to form the words, to shape the sounds that you think others might want to hear, to ease the meaning out of your heart and into another's. I see you face the blank paper, pencil, sharpened pen, inked desk, tidied, ready for the flow and tumble of consonants and vowels, dripping with punctuation points. I see you dig around in your mind, discarding this, that and the other as not worthy of your penmanship, not worthy of your readership. I see you ache in a desire to speak your truth, but find your truth has no words today, and that's okay. Sit still in the silent space. Hold your truth within. When it's ready, the words will begin.