the Henny Flynn podcast

Embracing Detachment with Self-Compassion (S15E3)

• Henny Flynn • Season 15 • Episode 3

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This episode is about the paradox of embracing detachment (I love a paradox!)

Join me on a reflective journey exploring the transformative practices of detachment and self-compassion. I'll share what inspired this episode, diving into the intentional act of releasing - creating meaningful space around our behaviours and beliefs. And we'll touch on how moving away from a fear-based mindset and embracing flow and surrender can lead to healthier, more fulfilling ways of living. 

With loving detachment, we can let go of our relentless need to control, extending this practice to both external situations and our inner world. 

This active state of awareness invites us to address what genuinely needs our attention without falling into automatic, triggered responses. It's about embracing life’s moments without judgment or force. I close with a heartfelt message, sending you a virtual hug and wave. 

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Speaker 1:

This may end up being one of those shorter episodes. Today it's just me, no guest. I'd like to share some reflections about the concept of detachment. Welcome to the Henny Flynn podcast, the space for deepening self-awareness with profound self-compassion. I'm Henny, I write, coach and speak about how exploring our inner world can transform how we experience our outer world, all founded on a bedrock of self-love. Settle in and listen and see where the episode takes you.

Speaker 1:

Episode takes you, and we may well touch on the concept of clinging to, but I'd like to focus more on that intentional act of releasing, of letting things be, and I'm very mindfully using that phrase rather than letting things go. I think sometimes, when we feel into this need that we have to detach, to create some space around us, around us we can get lost in the idea of what letting things go might mean. It can take us into a fear-based place, maybe a fear that we're going to enough if we let something go or let someone go, and so I prefer to use the phrase let things be. And I also prefer it because, in many ways, when we're thinking of releasing a behavior or a belief that no longer serves us, or an old thought pattern or something systemic from our family line, a way that our family tends to do things, think about things, feel about things, do things, think about things, feel about things. Then, those old patterns, those old ways of thinking, old ways of feeling, in my opinion, you know, pole of one. My sense is that they never really disappear, which doesn't mean that we can't learn to move forward from them or manage them or settle them in some way. But the very concept of the word trigger is something arising out of the blue, unexpectedly, in response to something else that happens, in response to something else that happens. And if we think more about this phrase of letting things be rather than letting things go, it almost softens us into the potential that a trigger might occur, something might suddenly arise, we might suddenly find ourselves re-entering an old pattern, an old way of thinking, an old way of feeling, an old way of doing, and and kind of giving ourselves the space for that and accepting that's part of our humanness and accepting that we can move forward from that too. And of course you know, if you've been part of this beautiful community of podcast listeners here for a while, then you'll know that for me, compassion is really the most fundamental stance that we need to take in all things and, I think, particularly when things are feeling tender or complicated in some way. So this idea of detachment, it's been showing up in a number of client conversations recently and so I'm noticing that and I am responding to it because maybe it's showing up, because, you know, in some universal energetic pattern or a little wavelength of energy that's going through us. Maybe it's something that's useful for many more of us to consider this idea of detachment.

Speaker 1:

And I think so often the reason why we don't, the reason why we cling to people, places, practices, ideas, is that we are seeking some sense of control. But, as Tara Brack often talks about, you know, this is an illusion, the illusion of control. We all know deep in our hearts, deep in our most rational way of thinking, that control is something that is tenuous at best and a far more useful way of being in the world is flow, um, allowing, um, oh, what's his name? Michael, uh, someone remind me, someone in my head remind me. Uh, the author of the surrender experiment. Um and um. You know, when we think about this idea of surrender and letting things be, letting things flow, we understand that it is so much healthier for our whole system to be in that place rather than in that illusion of control. So part of this work generally I mean work with a big, massive capital W is to notice what's coming up for us. So, as I say, I'm noticing this idea of detachment and I've been reflecting on it myself as well, like how, why is this coming up for me, not just for the people that I work with? Because when I see a pattern to something coming up in client conversations, often, always there is something in there that is really resonant for me personally. And you know and I've talked before about how I learned something from every single person that I work with I mean, without fail, I learned something really important, and so it's a, it's a beautiful reciprocal process that we go through.

Speaker 1:

Um, so this morning I drew an angel card. I've been returning to my meditation practice, to my much more consistent meditation practice and, with that, a much more consistent journaling practice as well. Um, journaling is something that I I do a lot, but it had become a bit more ad hoc, and so I'm really glad that I've sort of recreated, reestablished a pattern of getting up before Anton, coming to the stable, sitting in front of my shrine, meditating and then journaling, and I have returned right back to a practice that first helped me a few years ago, when I first started really establishing these practices, and it was to draw an angel card. The ones that I have are the ones by Diane Cooper, and they're a set that I had at university and then rediscovered sitting on a shelf, so they'd been there all the time and, yeah, and they're just a beautiful thing.

Speaker 1:

So the card that I drew this morning was, of course, detachment, and I'd love to read it to you, and what it says is according to spiritual law, you can have anything your heart desires. However, your happiness, sense of security or feeling of power depends on someone or something in your life. Then you are attached to that person or thing, and it is a chain which binds you to a lower frequency and keeps you stuck. Your guidance is to ask the angels to help you cut the cords that tie you to people, things and emotions. When all attachments are released, you can no longer be manipulated emotionally. This enables you to reclaim your power and be genuine, free. Your spirit and that of others let go now, and there's an affirmation that comes with this I release everyone and everything. My spirit is free.

Speaker 1:

Now you might want to listen back to that and if you're anything like me, there may be some aspects of it which jarred a little bit. Something about this idea of you know, when we're attached, we're bound to a low, lower frequency and it keeps us stuck. I think the other part that also sort of pulls me up short is this idea of cutting the cords that tie me to people, things and emotions. But when we soften into those words, when we really listen to the deeper meaning within them, then we can see that this isn't about isolating ourselves or rejecting anyone or anything else. It's actually about establishing our boundaries, our energetic boundaries around us and no longer being so dependent upon an other, whatever that other might be, for our well-being, our happiness, our joy. And it's about really standing very securely in our own space and from there being able to fully love both ourself and everyone and everything around us, and I think the line about free your spirit and that of others is very resonant here.

Speaker 1:

There was something else that came up today, which was again another pointer that maybe this was a good topic to discuss or to explore, to meander through. Maybe was a quote from Brené Brown, where she writes that the opposite of belonging is fitting in. I really love this. I love how succinct it is. It reminds me a little of the everyday compassion emails that I send out, these tiny drops of of reflection that can help us shape our day in a more compassionate way and and this line from Brene is it kind of feels very um resonant with those um, the opposite of belonging is fitting in and and I think this relates to this idea of detachment, because if we're so focused on our need to fit in and it can be such a human desire to do that because we want to survive, we want to be accepted by the group we're taught it from a very, very young age. In our culture, our community, our religion, our family system. We're taught this is how you fit in and and it can feel like the opposite of belonging.

Speaker 1:

I meet so many people who have a sense that they don't really know where their place in the world is, even though they come from a loving family and they've got a good friendship group and all of those things, but there isn't that deeper sense of belonging. And when we listen to any teacher like Ram Dass or or any of the, you know the great teachers who help us sink a little bit deeper into what our own truth is. Often our real sense of belonging is when we have come home to ourselves, and for me, I think that's part of what detachment enables us to do to create this sense of spaciousness around us. To create this sense of spaciousness around us where our energy isn't attached to any other, one person or one place or one belief system, and we're more able to stand really fully in the space that we're all granted in this world. The moment we're born, we're given this beautiful space to inhabit world. The moment we're born, we're given this beautiful space to inhabit and many of us. It can take a long time, maybe lifetimes, to understand the size, the scope, the breadth and depth of the space we actually have that we can live into.

Speaker 1:

There were some other thoughts that I had, but I'm kind of really feeling like the need just to end here. This is an art of detachment in itself, isn't it? I've got a few little bullet points on my screen in front of me as I'm talking to you and actually I'm going to let those go. I'm going to let those go and, or rather let them be and maybe they'll turn up in another episode, somewhere down the line, in fact I'm almost certain they will actually, but I think the other, the one last sort of thought that I had that I'd like to share is that sometimes it can be really useful to have a cue, maybe a word, maybe an image, maybe a physical movement, something that helps us notice and remember when we are in that place of clinging and where detaching could perhaps better serve us and those that we're with. And I say again, this isn't about isolating or separating, it's about really being able to let someone else be fully themselves and to let ourselves be fully our self.

Speaker 1:

And for me, a word here that I find really useful I think I've already mentioned it on this episode is the word allow To allow.

Speaker 1:

You know, when I breathe into that word, my body settles. I invite you to say it out loud, maybe now, if that's available to you, wherever you are, just to really sink into what it means to allow. And when we allow, we lose our desire to control, to make things the way that we have decided, perceived, imagined that they must, ought or should be, and we let them be. And that sense of allowing is something that resonates both in the concept of stuff that happens around us but also within us. Allow without judgment. Without judgment, without trying to force or change or control, but allowing. And I say here as well that this isn't a passive state, this is active in action, this is giving ourselves a pause, a breath to see what is really needing our attention right now, rather than just responding to that triggered response that we might have learned somewhere in the history of our life. So my darling, oh gosh, really enjoyed that. Um, hope you did too, and I am sending you a hug and a wave. Thank you, thank you.