the Henny Flynn podcast

When Fear Comes Knocking: A Love Letter to Ourselves (S16E2)

• Henny Flynn • Season 16 • Episode 2

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Sometimes, fear rushes in like an unexpected tide - one moment we're steady, the next we're caught in the swell. In this episode, I share a raw and honest entry from my journal, written during a winter break in Vietnam, where doubt and uncertainty flooded in. Through the simple yet profound act of listening - really listening - I found my way back to myself.

In this moment of listening, I wrote one of my My Darling Girl letters, those love notes from my wisest, kindest self. I share it here, followed by the words that poured out in my journal in response. It's an open-hearted exploration of what happens when we sit with our fears, rather than resisting them - when we meet them with curiosity, rather than judgment.

This is also a moment to reflect on the power of journaling, of writing letters of love, and of giving ourselves the space to hear our own wisdom. If you’ve ever felt the weight of self-doubt or the ache of uncertainty, I hope these words offer you something - a moment of recognition, of tenderness, of knowing you’re not alone.

Settle in, my darlings. This is a pretty vulnerable episode for me, so please hold it gently!

And if this practice of writing letters to your Self speaks to you, Letters of Love is now available - my newest book, born from the pages of my journal. You’ll find all the details, here in the show notes.

Sending love, always.


Letters of Love - a journaling practice of wisdom & connection

By Henny Flynn. Published by Inner Work Project. £12.99

From all good booksellers, or order direct from the publishers: https://innerworkproject.com/product/letters-of-love/

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Speaker 1:

Okay, my darlings, we're going in big and deep and raw. At least, what I'm going to share feels big and deep and raw from my perspective, and maybe it's useful for you in some way too. Welcome to the Henny Flynn podcast, the space for deepening self-awareness with profound self-compassion. I'm Henny, I write, coach and speak about how exploring our inner world can transform how we experience our outer world, all founded on a bedrock of self-love. Settle in and listen and see where the episode takes you. Settle in and listen and see where the episode takes you.

Speaker 1:

This is an extract from my journal that I wrote while we were away on our winter break when we were in Vietnam, and I'm sharing it because I think it's useful to know that everybody, however confident and calm and clear and self-compassionate they may seem, everybody experiences times when the floodgates open and fear rushes in, and the relationship that I have with my journal is now such that I open up fully when that happens, or at least, it's a continuing process of learning that that is really and truly what will most serve me. And I just opened my journal that I took away with us at random and came to a piece, a piece of writing entitled my Darling Girl. So, if you're familiar with my two books, the two volumes my Darling Girl poems I said that, weirdly, poems poetry-ish, I think I'd probably call them. They're letters, love letters that pour out of my pen at times, and they always land with a lesson, a message or a piece of guidance for me in the moment that I most need it, and so I would love to read this to you, this my darling girl letter, letter of love, which also relates to the fact that my book, letters of love, is being published this very week. In fact, I'm talking to you now, in early February 2025, and and really that whole practice of writing letters of love is is born from these letters that all begin, my darling girl, that have been pouring into the pages of my journal for the last few years, and what I'd love to then read is the piece of journaling sort of more kind of classic journaling that I then wrote afterwards. And I mean, I feel like I'm being very brave sharing this with you because it is pretty raw. So, as ever, I would really love to hear your reflections on it.

Speaker 1:

You know, does it speak to you, this experience of the floodgates opening and fear pouring in and then really deeply, listening to what it is that fear wants to say and then listening even more deeply to what it is we can say in return to fear with our most loving, most compassionate, most kind. Grammar is terrible, it can't be most kind, but, um, most kindful voice, um, and the context of this? Well, you'll hear the context. Actually it's, it's all the way through. So, uh, settle in and and see what you think.

Speaker 1:

My darling girl, you woke today with a troubled heart, that soft, insistent, pressing in from unseen, unnamed, unknown cares, the pressure pushing inward your resistance, pushing out this tension it created is what called me here. I want you to listen. My love to know these thoughts are fleeting. Just as the lightness of the moments yesterday have flown, so too will these thoughts, unless you choose to keep them hanging in the air like unloved bunting. I hear you ask. But what are they here to tell me of, to warn me of, to chastise me? For, oh, yes, all that is there Regrets and fears and shoulds, and you know they are familiar things. These are not new. They are familiar things. These are not new. They have not arisen because there is something special about this moment that's brought them to the light. They're here because they sense today they will be heard. So hear them, ask them what their worries are, and then you can let them be their worries are, and then you can let them be, and, as always, it's signed with love. I always I see these letters, uh, that I headed my darling girl as being love letters from my deepest, wisest self. And I remember this morning, I remember the morning morning where I woke up and I was really troubled and then this, this writing, this letter, flowed out of me and so I took her advice, I took the advice of my inner wise self and I carried on and I journaled, still wondering if I should be sharing this. Anyway, I'm gonna go for it, um, so my journal goes okay. So if I am here to listen, speak with me, let me know what it is you are afraid of and we shall see what is here and what can be said or done to soothe you. What is asking to be heard?

Speaker 1:

I am worried about missing out that I've been away too long and I'm missing this time of being present when people are looking for the kind of work I offer. I'm worried others are better at it than me that I've lost my touch, if I ever had it that I've no direction, no idea, no vision, that all the big plans and thoughts of before are empty shells. I feel ashamed of not being good enough, loved enough, strong enough, brave enough, good enough. That's a big one. I am worried. I don't know what to do, that we've been too extravagant with this holiday, that I'll never earn enough to keep us going, that this past year was a blip, an anomaly, and I simply can't do it. I'm worried, I don't want to do it. What if I've lost all my energy for it, all my inspiration, and there's nothing left inside? And what even is it that I do? I'm worried. It's all become confused and there's no clarity in what I do. How can people see me if I can't even see myself anymore? Perhaps, but I think that's the gist of it. And what sits beneath? What does your wisdom tell you has opened the floodgate to these thoughts? Because, my love, they are all so human.

Speaker 1:

Every living being has had these fears or ones so similar. They come from the same source. Well, what else is happening is we're about to travel halfway across the world back home, and I know the journey brings a degree of stress, each step needing to be done right. There's a holding on that needs to happen, staying clear and calm. That can also mean a deeper rumble of concern. What else Roo was traveling further from me, going off off off deeper and deeper into his own life, and this is how it needs to be. Yet breaks my heart, and a broken heart can be an easy access for fears to filter through. It feels at times like this, that they're attacking me when I'm down.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I understand that that when there is a heavy weight to be carried, the fears pile themselves on until I'm so loaded down all I can do is hear them. And so you listen, my love. The fears are there and there are answers. You can give them Words to whisper that will calm them. You know this, my love. Oh, yes, I know this, and being here writing this is helping more than you can know, although you know it all, so I suspect you also do know that too. Yes, you also do know that too. Yes, being here and sharing all this, I see how it helps you.

Speaker 1:

Now, what can you say to help them? We are where we are, my loves. Our path is being with what is, and I will do all that needs to be done when I am home. There is no rush or panic or having to do things a certain way. We will find our way and we will move with grace and joy and gratitude, open to opportunities, open-hearted, open-minded and with an open, loving soul. Thank you, no-transcript.

Speaker 1:

Now, the route that I've found has been to write to this wise part of me, to have these conversations in my journal, on the pages of my journal. The path that most supports you might include this, might include many, many, many other things, but at its heart, I think the value is to listen in. The value is to find a way to express what it is that we are feeling and to hold all of that expression with the most profound compassion, with our wisest, kindest attention, with our wisest, kindest attention, and then to respond from that place, not to greet our fears with resistance and judgment and fear of the fear, but to greet our fears as the very things that they are Voices expressing worries and concerns. Just like if you walked into a room full of your most dearest, most cherished, most loved people and heard that they were all worrying about something. You might be able to turn to them and go yes, my loves, that sounds so hard rather than telling them all they must be quiet or leave the room at once. Them all, they must be quiet or leave the room at once. So, um, I think also the other thing, as I reflect on that piece of writing is, of course, as ever, there are these big macro conditions all around us. There's some very worrying decisions being made, choices being taken away and exerted and exerted, and that, of course, also filters in to each and every one of us, and therefore, it feels even more important that we hold these fears within us with this tenderness, with this grace and with the gratitude of what is still beautiful. Yeah, that feels enough. That feels enough today.

Speaker 1:

Today, I think the other, the last thing actually is is also to say you know, it is okay. It is okay to have those moments. What I didn't need was someone to step in and rescue me from all of those thoughts. I simply needed to turn toward myself. However, on another day, I may have found it immensely valuable to have shared it with another human being, someone that I loved and trusted and who I knew would not leap in and try to fix me, and who I knew would not leap in and try to fix me.

Speaker 1:

I think maybe that's why I love the journaling so much, because the journal doesn't seek to fix me. The journal listens and allows me to find my own path through. But sometimes the path can feel a little obscured and so maybe then it is useful, whether that's a, a therapist, a counselor, a wise and trusted friend, a person like me. Sometimes we do need someone to stand beside us to help us navigate what feels complex, hard, challenging, but someone who can help us reach inside and really hear the wisdom of our own voice. And hopefully you could also hear in that piece of journaling that in the 20 minutes or whatever it was that I sat and wrote, I went from feeling really quite overwhelmed and and a bit lost within the overwhelm to rebalanced and calm and centered and able to hold what had arisen within me. And of course, since I've been back from holiday, things have been, you know, good.

Speaker 1:

I know what my work is, I know the value of what I offer. The value of what I offer, I know my own worth and I am deeply grateful to everybody who helps me share this work out into the world and and to everybody who who comes and works with me. You know it feels such a privilege and an honor to be doing this. So I mean, in a way, I kind of look back at that piece of writing and just think, oh Henny, oh darling, but I say that with so much love Because in that moment it was all real. So there we go. Oh, I'm sending you so much love. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for being here.

Speaker 1:

Please do keep letting me know what you think, keep sharing the podcast with others. Please do write a review. You know that's one of the best ways of sharing this work. If that's something that you'd like to do after listening to me, bare my soul in that way, you know. Write a. What do you call it? You know? Yeah, a review on Apple podcast or whatever it's called.

Speaker 1:

And, of course, if you'd like to get your beautiful hands onto a copy of letters of love and really explore this incredible journaling practice for wisdom and connection, this, this practice of writing letters of love to ourselves, to parts of um the natural world, to others, letters that that don't get sent um, letters that really, really speak our innermost truth, founded in deep love, then I'll put a link in the show notes and you can also go straight to my website, hennyflynncouk, and look at the bookshop on there, or go to my publisher's inner work project and order direct from them, or just get it wherever you love to buy books, letters of love, henny flynn, you'll find it okay. Okay, that really is it all right. Take care, my darlings, sending so much love and a hug and a wave, thank you.